They say when you reach the second year of your college you'll fully realize if the course you're pursuing is the one that's really for you. I'm afraid to be one of the many students who keep on shifting courses because they don't know what they really want to be. I can still remember when I was at Miss Hilda's office (guidance office) two years ago during our career assesment. Being a nurse wasn't really on the list of jobs that I would be good into. Miss Hilda told me that I should really think about it and try to consider taking up another course which my skills are more favorbale of (i.e. Accountancy, Business Management, etc.). When she said that, anger immediately grew up inside me. Trying to supress my emotions, I almost cried. Erick was taking up Nursing then and I badly wanted to be in the same school as his. Also, everybody knows that Nursing is a well-paid job especially in foreign countries. Knowing that my sisters and I will soon migrate to the USA, I will evidently have a bright future. "Bright" is even an understatement. My point is I got angry because I thought that NOBODY can dictate what I should be in life and that NO ONE or NOTHING (not even a career assessment) can tell me that I would not be a good nurse. And so I chose what I thought I wanted in life. I told myself that I can be whatever I want to be if I would just push my way through it.


Now, I am not even sure if this is what I really want in life. Am I just doing this for the ensurance of stability of my future? Am I taking up Nursing because our whole clan is so proud of me for taking up what they claim as the "wisest course" in this day and age? AM I JUST DOING THIS FOR THE MONEY? I mean, come on, there are a lot of Nursing students out there whose just in it for the dollars. Well I can't blame them 'cause in this lifetime: life - money = death. When I come to think of it, I also really want to feel the weight of being responsible for another man's life, the satisfaction of personally helping the human race. I know it sounds dramatic but it's something that paperworks or mathematics can't provide.


It's been REALLY, REALLY HARD studying at UERM. It's been REALLY, REALLY HARD taking up Nursing. Suddenly, I am not that happy anymore. When I was a kid, I always imagined myself as an office girl. A year ago, I imagined (and seriously considered to be one) myself as a nurse. The dilemma I'm now going through excruciates me. It crushes my brain. Again, I don't want to keep shifting courses and I definitely don't want to graduate old.


I need to figure this out. F*** life!