I just realized something. These past few weeks I've been trying to explain the feelings I've been having. Like crying about the smallest and silliest things. I have been really sensitive and I can't fugure out what the reason was. I told Abi (my bestfriend) that it's because I'm having a hard time adjusting here emotionally. You know, friends.. Erick.. cousins.. Hell, it was hard! But just a few minutes ago I realized that my whole life in the Philippines is a big big part of me. The sad thing about it is that it's now in my past. All that has happened that are truly special to me are now in my past. AND I JUST CAN"T FREAKING ACCEPT THAT. I just can't. I'm just not ready to. I want all that has happened to me in the Philippines to be my present. The 2 months I've been here.. they're senseless. There's nothing that I did that's special to me which I know I'll remember for the rest of my life. I don't know if I'm still making sense but that's how I feel. Right now, I realized that I have to move on. Not just about Erick per se but about my entire life in the Philippines. It doesn't mean that I'll forget about it but just learn how to make the most out of my life here. I am just so stuck in the past. Well the bottom line of this post is that I should learn to look forward (without Erick- that will sure be hard) and just put the Philippines on the side of my heart cause it's occupying too much of my thoughts and my feelings. But right now, as I said, I'm not yet ready to do that. I just wish I'll learn to do this anytime soon.